Chiaroscuro (singyourrequiem) wrote,

In an entry from April 30th, I made a comparison of a given group of people and their opposition in society to a candle in an empty room who's flame is being pushed back by the surrounding darkness. Back then, I thought that the repression I was enduring was caused solely by the men and women surrounding me. In retrospect, I think that I've created much of the darkness that envelopes me, and I'm slowly suffocating myself with it. My flame is going out, but sadly, it's dousing itself. I don't know what I need to do to keep that flame going, but I couldn't do it anyway. I can't hold it back anymore. I need to find a spark. I need some kerosene. I need to make my spirit's flame back into what it used to be; an inferno. The inferno bathed everything in light, and at the same time, utilized the darkness. I wonder if I can do that again, given my understanding of the nature of a corrupt soul like my own. I am afraid to embrace the dark, even though I know it may be my last viable chance at a pleasurable existence. I don't want to harm others in my quest for personal happiness. This entry has just ran me in circles, and the purpose behind it, like many other aspects of my conscious mind, has been engulfed in the dark.

I'm sick of my played-out theatrics. Someone light a fire under my ass, please. I want to be the writer that I used to be; you know, the good one...
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